Eating Wes for Dessert. Not!
“What’s this?” Wes asks, sitting down to dinner last night, eyeing his plate as if it’d just landed from Mars.
Okay, I’m an organic vegetarian, and Wes is a meat and sugar boy. But he eats some of my vegetarian dinners during the week (usually on the weekends) to keep his weight down and because he knows it’s good for his heart. But that doesn’t mean he has to like it. LOL
“I forgot to buy organic peanut butter at the store today,” I say, digging into my vegetarian meatloaf, organic mashed potatoes, kidney beans, and peas. In case you’re wondering, there’s no way Wes would eat veggie loaf. I know. I’ve already tried. “So I ground up cashews and walnuts and mixed them in tahini.” When he looks at me like I’m speaking ancient Aztec, I add, “Tahini is sesame seed butter. Very nutritious. How does it taste?”
“The jury’s still out,” he replies taking another bite and then stuffing a few organic poppyseed crackers in his mouth.
Do I take good care of the man, or what?! LOL
“Those are all Omega 3 oils,” I say, waving my finger at his plate. “Much better for your heart than that fast-food hamburger you wanted.”
Wes just grunts and stuffs more crackers in his mouth.
“So,” I ask, “you wanna fool around after dinner in the bathroom?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
Wes glares at me. “Because I don’t feel like it.”
“Don’t you wanna see if the testosterone shot is still working?” I waggle my eyebrows at him. “It’s been like two days since we had sex, and I’m neeeeeeedy.”
“Forget it. The shot’s not working.”
I fall over laughing. I’m sorry. I can’t help it. The man is just too funny!
“Why are you laughing?” he asks, narrowing his eyes. “You’re up to something.”
“Ever thought about swinging?” I ask, trying to look innocent.
“Swinging? What’s that?”
“Ya know,” I reply. “That’s when you fuck another couple. One of my Facebook friends just asked me about that.” I shrug. “I get offers all the time for swinging and for a third in a ménage.”
“I know what swinging is,” Wes snorts. “I’m not three years old.” By now he’s finished half his sandwich, and he’s still alive. So far so good. LOL
“Then why did you ask?”
“I dunno,” he replies, stuffing his mouth with more crackers. “But there’s no way in hell I’m swinging.” Then he glares at me. “And neither are you.”
“Okay, wanna fool around after dinner?” I ask again, grinning like crazy.
“No!” Wes bellows. “Jesus, you’re aggravating.” He points to the erotica novel next to my plate. “Read your book.”
“But it’s rude to read at the table when you’re having dinner with your husband,” I protest, trying not to laugh. “Aren’t you glad you’re married to me?”
“Usually, but not tonight,” he says, getting up with his almost empty plate. “You’re driving me nuts.”
After I clean the kitchen and the litter boxes, I go into the den and perch on the arm of Wes’s reclining chair while he watches sports on TV. “I’m gonna check my email one last time, and then I’m crashing in the bed with the kitties.”
“Great idea,” he mumbles, never taking his eyes off the TV.
Then I lean down and whisper in his ear. “Wanna fool around with me in the bathroom?”
Wes starts laughing. “Damn, you’re persistent!”
“No, darlin’, it’s called HORNY.”
“Maybe in two days,” he says, shaking his head.
“Why two days?”
“Because I may feel like it then, and I don’t now.” He’s starting to glare at me again.
“But why don’t you feel like it now?” I ask. “All you’ve done this weekend is lie around and watch sports on TV. Your dick should be verrrry well rested.” I lick my naughty lips. “Yummmmmmy.”
“Enough!” he bellows. “You’re driving me crazy!”
I leap off the arm of the chair when he swats playfully at me and run up the stairs, laughing. Well, you can’t blame a horny slut for trying, ya know?
Sometimes getting Wes to fuck me is like making a cold sales call. If you make the call, you have a 50/50 chance of making the sale. If you don’t make the call, you have a 100% chance of failing.
As you may have guessed, failure is not my thing. And, yeah, I ADORE cold calls. Talk about a rush!! Not to mention, I’m really good at it.
Gee, what a surprise! *horny grin*
xoxo
Laura Stamps (c)
Author of Paranormal Erotica & Romance Novels
Check out my “Laura Stamps” Fan Page at Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/sexwitch
Follow me on Twitter at:
http://twitter.com/naughtypussycat
Laura Stamps (c)
Author of Paranormal Erotica & Romance Novels
Check out my “Laura Stamps” Fan Page at Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/sexwitch
Follow me on Twitter at:
http://twitter.com/naughtypussycat
Entries (RSS)
November 9th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
That post had me cracking up, Laura! I guess that means you didn't have fun in the bathroom then, huh? Poor you!
November 9th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Never let it be said I don't know how to torment an Alpha. It's a good forumla that gets me wonderfully fucked at least 50% of the time, usually more. Yeah, no fooling around last night. BUT there's always tonight, and I intend to be RUTHLESS in my pursuit of his dangly parts!! Count on it. LMAO!!
November 10th, 2009 at 1:47 am
Well I have so heard that from my husband many many times. So its good to know that I am not the only one that cant get some ever time I ask. Even when I have my best sexy face on. So do you post pictures of Wes & how old is he? He sound so much like my 44yr old husband so I was wondering if it is just the age group. I am still very ready for sex ( hot and heavy) every night. He is older than me and I keep telling my self its just that. But I keep trying
} !!!!
November 10th, 2009 at 4:15 am
Hey Melody, I'm 24, my guy is my age, and I have the same problems even now! Urgh! I'm ready for sex all day everyday, and he can't seem to keep up with me. What are we to do with our men? :-O
November 10th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
I dont know but i dont like this at all. If you come up with something let me know. I even suggested the shots that Wes was taking. Man that did not go over to well. He says it because he works so much and he is tired. Well guess what I work all day at a very stressful job and come home to house full of kids (5) but I still want that fun time with my guy. Well good luck with your guy!!!!
November 10th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Hi, Melody. Great to see you here! No, Wes is 57, and I am 52, so he is 5 years older than I am. But even when we were in our 20s my natural libido ran circles around his. He has come to think he has always had a low testosterone count, and that has been the problem for his low libido, even though when I get the man in the sack he is a sex god. No doubt about it!
There is a natural supplement you can give your hubby called "Steel-libido." I got it at the Vitamin Shoppe. It has like 9 sex boosters in it, and some of them spike natural testosterone levels. That worked great for us until Wes started taking Viagra. That worked better for us because he is also on heart meds and high blood pressure meds. He drinks too much vodka every night so that also lowers his libido and desire for sex.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I am an organic vegetarian, and I have heard that really helps your libido stay healthy, even though mine has been high since I was 7 years old. I also get an acupuncture treatment every month to keep my hormones tuned. Acupuncture also keesp your libido in its natural state.
So spike your hubby with Steel-libido, feed him more vegetarian meals, try to get him into acupuncture for a monthly tune-up, and make sure he doesn't drink too much, and your sex life might improve dramatically.
Yeesh! What we have to go through to keep our men horny, ya know? LMAO!!!
November 10th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Kristen and Melody, you know I get the "I'm too tired" thing from Wes too. Even when he has spent all weekend lying around watching sports on TV. Who knew that would be so tiring? Good thing I work like a crazy woman through every weekend. if I didn't, I might be as exhausted as he is from doing NOTHING. LMAO!!!
If the suggestions I made above don't work, then all I can say is that's what they make cybersex for. We have to find some kind of outlet for all that sexual enegry and when the men can't cum through for us our cybersex guys will bend over backwards to pleasure us. Just ask me. I should know. *kinky grin*
November 10th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Thanks and the cybersex is to funny ( I love it ). Thanks for sharing and you look great for 52yrs young
} !!!
November 10th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Yeah, I'm a cybersex junkie for sure! And thanks for the compliment! See? There are definite advantages to being delusional and always thinking I'm 18. LOL