Fuck Yourself Thin
Yesterday, I stopped by my acupuncture doctor’s office. Wes’s knee has been bothering him, and I wanted to make sure he’d called to set up an appointment. Plus, I’d run out of my doc’s business cards and needed more, since I’m always handing them out to people I meet with health problems.
When I walked through the door the medical assistant, who’s a friend of mine, exclaimed, "Look at you!" I was dressed in my street clothes (jeans, boots, and a girlie shirt) rather than my usual acupuncture outfit (loose sweats and a t-shirt).
"These are my new jeans," I say, turning a circle to show them off. "I got a smaller size like you said." Last time I was there she’d given me a hard time about my baggy jeans. Sure enough I’d lost weight and needed a smaller size (10).
"Those are still too loose," she says, yanking them down my hips, which just made me giggle.
"Okay," I say. "Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m a size 8 now."
"Duh!" she exclaims. "Andlook at your flat stomach. How do you do that?"
"Half-curls," I reply, reaching over the counter to grab a bunch of business cards and stuff them in my backpack purse.
The office manager just laughs. She waggles her eyebrows and says, "We all know how she stays so thin. SEX!" Yeah, she’s as oversexed as I am. LOL
I shrug and look at my friend. "True," I agree, grinning wickedly. "I fuck myself thin."
They all laugh like crazy. No wonder my acupuncture doctor says he can always tell when I’m in the building. He says it sounds like we’re having a party. LOL
Just then the new medical assistant walks by and asks what we’re talking about. My friend whips up my shirt and rubs my stomach, showing her how flat it is. The new assistant makes a face and groans about how she needs to lose the belly she’s had for the last two years.
"Tell her how you do it," my friend prompts, looking at me.
I turn to the new assistant and say, "Just fuck yourself thin."
Her eyes light up. "Sounds good to me!"
My friend gives me a hug and picks up a pile of medical charts. "You really need to get a size 8," she says, as she turns and starts down the hall.
"I dunno," I protest. "The size I’m wearing now is the same size I wore in high school. At my age I don’t wanna weigh less than that, do I?"
"Are you kidding?" She stops and turns around, slowly looking me up and down. "There isn’t an ounce of fat on you, girl. You look sooooo HOT!"
"Cool," I reply, grinning slyly. Then I cock my hip and lick my finger, pressing it to my butt and making a sizzling sound like I’m putting out a match. "Works for me," I purr. Then I strut out of the office, while the women howl with laughter behind me.
When I jump in my car, I roll down the windows and crank up the "Foreigner" CD I’ve been listening to all week. The heavy metal guitar of "Hot Blooded" booms through the car, as I groove to it all the way back to my office.
Have you ever noticed most classic rock is about sex? No wonder it makes me horny.
Dear Goddess, I have FUN!!!
xoxo
Laura Stamps (c)
Author of Erotica and Paranormal Romance Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (excerpts from all of my novels)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)
Laura Stamps (c)
Author of Erotica and Paranormal Romance Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (excerpts from all of my novels)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)
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