I’m a Proactive Slut
As you know, there are lots of things about Alpha men that piss me off these days (LOL). But the thing that irritates me the most is that they’re such arrogant bastards. Grrrrr….!
Those of you who know me know I came from an abusive home (mental illness, alcoholism, paranoia, verbal and emotional abuse, you name it). My childhood is not something I like to talk about because I prefer to focus on the positive. When people ask, I tell them I’ve been to hell and back. Been there, done that, ain’t going back! But surviving ain’t living. And living is what I’m all about. Oh, yeah…! *lusty grin*
That means I learned at a very early age the only person who can make me happy is ME. To do this I had to become “proactive” rather than “reactive.”
“Proactive” means I do my own thing regardless of the insanity happening around me, regardless of what anyone thinks. My happiness comes from within, and I know it cannot be shaken unless I allow it.
“Reactive” means your happiness is dependent upon external things, on what’s happening around you. It’s a “victim” mentality. Being a victim is NOT my thing. Been there, done that as a defenseless kid, ain’t going back!
When you are proactive, you’re moving forward. It’s an “offensive” position. When you’re reactive, you’re retreating. It’s a “defensive” position, meaning you allow yourself to be backed into a corner where you’re constantly having to defend yourself. Or prove yourself. Over and over and over again.
What a snooze!
Arrogant Alpha men have a talent for putting women in a defensive position simply because they always think they’re right, which means everyone else is wrong. If you disagree with an Alpha man you’re ALWAYS having to defend your opinion. Of course, after a while you realize it doesn’t matter because the Alpha knows he’s right, and he ain’t budging. LOL
Being proactive is empowering because you keep your power. Being reactive makes you powerless, because you’ve given your power away to the petty tyrants in your life.
Hey, forget THAT!
Bottom line: I’m a Beta, and if my life is full of fighting and arguing then I’m not having fun. If I’m not having fun, then my life isn’t working. Time to make some changes and get the fun back, ya know?
For some reason I’m surrounded by Alpha men these days who keep putting me in the position of having to defend my opinions, the naughty way I talk, the way I write my novels, the way I write my blog posts, my outlook on life, you name it.
Know what I say to that? FUCK IT!
I’m a proactive slut. I don’t have to defend my work or my opinions or my outlook on life to anyone. If they can’t accept me as I am then they can just move along. I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do regardless of whether the Alpha men in my life “approve” or not.
Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna spend all my time arguing and fighting with them. Nah, I’m gonna smile sweetly, ignore them, and do exactly what I wanna do.
Ladies, let’s face it. You’re wonderful, special, and totally fab just the way you are. If the arrogant Alpha men in your life are trying to steamroll you, if they act as if they’re smarter than you, if they treat you as if you’re not very bright cause you won’t bow down and proclaim them “King of the World,” then it’s time to get proactive!
Our opinions are just as important as theirs. You are just as smart as they are (probably smarter). Don’t be afraid to do your own thing and love yourself for it, regardless of what they say.
There will always be Alpha men in our lives. Shivers! But it doesn’t mean we have to be intimidated or “dismissed” by those arrogant bastards. Just smile sweetly the next time they try to do that, ignore them, and do exactly what you wanna do. Do your own thing and do it with great JOY!
Hey, I should know. I’ve been doing it for decades… *proactive grin*
xoxo
Laura Stamps
Paranormal Erotica & Romance Novelist
(Witches, Shapeshifters, Vampires)
To read excerpts from my novels:
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com
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http://www.LauraStamps.com
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January 13th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
All I can say to that is 'YOU GO GIRL!!!' – You are my inspiration daily, I just thought you should know that!! XOXOXO
January 13th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Laura, you are amazing! ! Beauty, wit, charm, sexy, and INTELLIGENT.
Great piece on not letting another person control your life. There are a whole bunch of men and WOMEN out there that think they know what is best for you. You hit it on the head – plot your course, see it through. If blown off course, you can always make corrections, but see it through.
Now if you only knew how to dig bait and clean fish, you would be the perfect woman!
Damn you're beautiful!
All my love to you and that "guy you live with."
January 13th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
Amen, Laura!! From a 63-year-old woman who's also been there and done that, but in adulthood. You rock, Sweetie!!
January 13th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
…great words, great attitude…inspiring….
January 13th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
A great post that every woman should read. Thanks, Laura, from someone who needed cheering up today!
January 13th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
Thank you for your inspirational blogs Laura!
January 13th, 2010 at 5:16 pm
I thought you might like this one, girlfriend! Did you show this one to "the boys"? I'll bet Chuck would have quite a few Alpha snorts about this one. Too funny! Hey. you can mess with us women, ya know?
January 13th, 2010 at 5:19 pm
Joe!!! It's so wonderful to see you here. Wow, that makes my day! Glad you like the post. But digging bait and cleaning fish? Eeeeeew! Not part of Southern Belle 101. Sorry!
Love you dearly, my friend! And you know how much I adore hearing from you.
January 13th, 2010 at 5:20 pm
Thanks, Lori!!! We gotta stick together, ya know?
January 13th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
January 13th, 2010 at 5:22 pm
Gina, wonderful to hear from you!!! It's been a long time, ya know? I'm so glad my post I could cheer you up, girlfriend!!!
January 13th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
Amen! More power to ya, Deb!!!
January 13th, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Thanks, Deb! You know me. If it's on my mind it will end up on this blog. *lol*
Seriously though, since I grew up in a scary place I have always made it a point to pass along all the empowering stuff I've learned along the way in my writing. That means there's also lots of empwering info in my novels. My readers say they read my novels with a yellow highlighter and sticky notes so they can go back and add all this good stuff to their lives.
Also, the first book in my memoir series will be coming out this year. Yay! It contains all the posts from the first year of this blog. So it's also very empowering, as well as wickedly sexy (of course) and hysterically funny (well, Wes is in it, so that's a given, ya know?*lmao!).
January 13th, 2010 at 6:15 pm
Hey Laura…..very nicely put and finally a post I can share with my daughter …lol….not that she doesnt sneak on here and take a couple of peeks every now and again….but boy does she need to be empowered maybe by reading this she wont think I am full of hot air.Cause ya know when it comes from someone else teenagers 'get it'…she is a good girl and harder on herself then I am with me….but David has a saying he throws at us all the time…'the best defense is a good offense'….isnt that an alpha motto? or maybe just an Army thing…
Capt Joe…. I dont think I have ever seen a woman willingly touch a dead fish let alone clean one and the digging for bait? Well…I think that stops once they hit puberty and find more interesting things to do with….oh nevermind…..I'll stop now….LOVE YOUR POST LAURA!!!
January 13th, 2010 at 7:04 pm
Thanks, Carol! Hey, I didn't know Kat snuck onto my site. Cool! Yeah, by all means show this one to hert. I would be honored, and you know how much I adore her, so anything I write that you think would help her, pass it on. She is also gonna like "The Witches of Dixie" I think, when you finish with that one.
Wes says the same thing. That defense/offense thing is a football saying, I think. Yeah, Alphas. lol
You crack me up!!! Glad you liked the post!!
January 13th, 2010 at 5:10 pm
I will never allow a man to control my emotions again! I went through that for way too many years!!!!!!!!!
January 13th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Right on Laura! Well said! And don't worry, us girls love you and everything about you.
No need to defend yourself w/ us!
January 13th, 2010 at 10:51 pm
Thanks, Cynthia! I'm glad you enjoyed it!! Sometimes, ya just gotta get pissed off with Alpha men, I think. Hey, what would I do without all may fab fans? You keep me going for sure!!
January 13th, 2010 at 11:47 pm
Amazing as always, Laura!:)
January 14th, 2010 at 12:18 am
You know Laura, if I were an Alpha male, (which I'm sure I would be
) I would totally… Try not to argue with you.
And I DEF. would not complain about you bugging me for sex.
LOVE YA!
January 14th, 2010 at 12:28 am
Thanks, Cheryl! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Have I got some Alpha men stories for YOU! I'll send you an email soon. lol
January 14th, 2010 at 12:32 am
Amanda! Wonderful to see you here!! I know. Like who would wanna argue with me? Duh. And as for the sex, well, we both feel the same about that. More, more, more!!!!
BTW, did Chris tell you about this Alpha post? He was feeling so bad with his cold I told him to read it at work to cheer him up. I figured he would laugh like crazy and then tell you about it.
Love you too! You know I do…
January 14th, 2010 at 3:56 am
Alphas can be quite infuriating. Men and women alike. They can just leave you feeling like hell. I have one now that’s driving me insane. Good luck dealing with yours.
January 14th, 2010 at 4:12 am
That is so true. They can leave you feeling like hell. And they're often clueless about how they did it, or that they did it. All the more reason to be proactive.
Good luck with yours! Mine were a little freaked when they saw this post today (I'm always so perky and happy). Yeah, they were on verrrrrry good behavior today. I think I scared them shitless. lmao!!!
January 14th, 2010 at 11:59 am
This was a great post and very timely as I just had one of these "incidences" yesterday. I learned a while ago I had to do what makes me happy and not let the alpha in my life make me feel bad about my choices, but it's great to have that confirmed and validated now and again. It's also something I need to teach my 10 year old daughter, since one day she may encounter these alpah types. : )
January 14th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
I figured one of your alphas pissed you off…:)
January 14th, 2010 at 5:09 pm
Two, actually. I'll send you an email about it later. Too funny!!
January 14th, 2010 at 5:13 pm
Thanks, Deborah, I'm glad you enjoyed it! And I know how you feel. Yeesh!!
Yeah, this is definitely something you need to teach your daughter, especially if her dad is an Alpha. Daughters tend to be attracted to men like their fathers (whether that's a good thing or a bad thing), so she will grow up attracted to Alphas. She really needs to learn Alpha-Management skills now. Both my parents were intense Uber-Alphas. Talk about a set-up. No wonder I've been plagued with Alphas and Uber-Alphas my entire life. lmao!
January 15th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
I tried to find someone NOT like my Dad. In the end, I don't think I succeeded, although I think my husband is more alpha than my father. But yeah, when he acts too Alpha I try to use it as a good excuse to provide a lesson on ignoring the alpha-ness. It took me a while, but now the alpha comments barely register. : )
January 15th, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Have you read my novel "Call of the Witches"? I wrote that novel for women who are attracted to bad news boyfriends, which means they keep being attracted to someone like their dad, which is NOT what they want. But subconsciously we are all attracted to men like our fathers.
The crazy thing is all these guys look different in the beginning. But they all end up bad news or like our dad in the end. After a while you realize you don't know how to choose or be attracted to the kind of guy you want.
So in that novel I told how to retrain yourself (your subconscious) so you can be attracted to the kind of guy you truly want. I even included a checklist to compair future boyfriends to. I know you are married, so no boyfriends for you. But I think you would get a kick out of that novel. And you could pass along the info in it to your daughter so she won't date a bunch of Alphas like her dad and end up being pissed at them all the time. lmao!!
January 15th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
My comment was too long so here is the rest of it…
I have a best friend in Columbia who was going through this same thing. So I worked with her for a few years and retrained her to choose a fab husband she adores. Then I decided I should put this info in one of my novels so all women could benefit from it. Thus, "Call of the Witches" was born.
January 18th, 2010 at 4:53 am
lady, you are fucking incredible! i am so glad i got a chance to chat with you today and i would definitely love to get to know you better. your confidence and charisma are uber-hot!!
January 18th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Thanks, Jennifer! It was great to talk with you too. BTW, Liz and I are good friends. Just ask her about me and she will spill all. lmao!!
I'm glad you are enjoying my blog. I added your email addy to the subscriber list so you will not only get my monthly newsletter but also mailings every time a new blog post goes up 3x a week. Oh, and check out my new naughty store (the "Shop!" button). You will love it!!
January 19th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
I have Call of the Witches on my TBR list, but I vowed I wouldn't acquire any new books until I'd read a good portion of what I already have in the house. But after reading you describe more of what it's about, I think I'll bend my rule and look into getting this book sooner than later. Thanks!
January 19th, 2010 at 9:27 pm
Cool! At the moment you can get it anywhere. But I don't know for how long. My agent is in the process of pulling all my novels out of bookstores and setting up a "Laura Stamps" store for me on Amazon. However I do have a few copies of that novel. So if you want a signed one send me an email at laura@laurastamps.com and I'll send you info on how to do that. You're gonna love it! Plus, the first chapter of the new vampire novel is in the back of "Call of the Witches" since the vamp series is a spinoff series from that one.