It’s Always All About Me & My Happiness. Duh!
One of my local girlfriends called me on Wednesday night because she was at a crossroads in her life. She’s twenty, and she’s trying to figure out what her next move will be. Almost every area of her life sucks right now, and to make matters worse, nothing she’s done career-wise has clicked for her either. Yeah, that was bumming her out, too.
The problem is she’s a creative person. But she’s under pressure from her family and society to create a traditional life for herself. Yet she knows in her heart that’s just not gonna work for her.
What it boils down to is she’s never given herself permission to do what makes her happy. And she’s not alone. I think that’s what happens to a lot of people at any age. We spend too much time thinking about what we feel we should do rather than finding a way to do what makes us happy.
When I was a teen this choice was made easy for me. Of course, at the time I didn’t see it that way. I grew up in an abusive family with parents who were mentally unstable. Mostly I was told I would never make it in life, and I would never be a success.
Of course, I didn’t believe that (LOL). But it taught me at an early age to take responsibility for my decisions. I realized with no loving family to cheer me on in life I would have to be my own cheering section.
I also decided if that was the case, then I was gonna spend my life doing whatever makes me happy. Period. It didn’t matter to me if people said it couldn’t be done. If it was my dream, I was gonna follow it and find a way to make it happen. I’d seen too many miserable adults to want that kind of life for myself.
Shivers!
And that’s exactly what I’ve done. First, I was a painter and became a successful one. Then when I was thirty I changed careers when painting no longer made me 100% happy. I became a poet and a novelist. It didn’t matter to me that I’m dyslexic. It didn’t matter to me that most small press writers make no money.
When I told my accountant I wanted to start my own small press publishing company and sell my books through direct mail, he cautioned me that most direct mail businesses fail.
That was twenty-three years ago. Once again, I didn’t listen. LOL
Oh, I crashed and burned a million times. But I looked at all of those boo-boos as learning experiences. In the process I became one of the most financially successful writers in the small press. I not only taught myself how to write, but my writer’s resume is eighty pages long now and full of awards and publication credits. Plus, more than forty-five of my books have been published, first by my company and then by other publishers.
So I told all of this to my friend. I said if you choose to do what makes you happy in life you’ve gotta learn how to crash and burn and learn from it, rather than take it personally. Decide what your dream is, and then find a way to make it happen. But realize your dream will change from decade to decade. I know mine has. Every time my dream no longer makes me happy I tweak it until it does.
If you do this, at the end of your life you’ll look back with satisfaction. Why? Because almost every day was a happy one rather than a day spent working a job you hate, while you count the years until you retire.
Shivers!
My friend laughed. “You should be a motivational speaker,” she said.
“I could be,” I replied. “But speaking doesn’t make me happy. Writing novels makes me happy. So I put lots of empowering stuff in my books, and that’s good enough.”
I mean, there are a lot of things I could do. I’ve been blessed with several talents. But only a few make me truly happy.
Life is short. I think I’ll spend it doing what makes me the happiest. That would be writing smokin’ hot erotica novels.
Oh, and having as much fun and sex as I possibly can. Can’t forget that. Duh! *sex obsessed grin*
xoxo
Laura Stamps ©
The Magickal Sex Goddess
Author of Paranormal Erotica & Romance Novels
(Witches, Shapeshifters, Vampires)
laura@laurastamps.com
To read excerpts from my novels:
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com
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Entries (RSS)
February 19th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
Wow thanks for sharing. I just wish i could figure out what my talent is. I have a passion for books, and think this is a road i want go down. I just know i am not a writer. So i have no idea what to do in my life at this time. I am searching out my path!
I hope your friend being young will follow what she loves to do, she has many years to go the traditional path if life does not go her way. She is lucky that she has a passion at a young age.
February 19th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
I truly believe that is part of whats wrong w/ our society now. People are raised to believe that life is either this way or that way, no in between. It's no wonder we have so many hard nosed people who have convinced themselves that they have no other choice but to live a life that some even believe is "destined" for them. At the end of one's life, we have no one else to answer to but ourselves as far as how we did or didn't live. Alot of Christians deal w/ such beliefs as well, and then feel so guilty when they fall short of expectations from others and themselves. I know I've felt this way myself before… Many of us women grew up believing that if we didn't marry and have children then we didn't amount to much. Or for some, they feel pressured into a stressful career that only brings them stress and grief day after day. I totally agree w/ you Laura! You are such a positive influence. And a naught one at times, but thats so much fun!
February 19th, 2010 at 4:44 pm
You make lots of sense Laura so it makes me think,am I as happy as I could be,probably not BUT then again most days I dont know what I want anymore.When I was 23 I never thought I would marry,live all over the country or live in Europe. Did I think I would be mom to 7 kids? Or for that matter decide when my youngest was 10 and being 48 to adopt from China and then 2yrs later go back and do it again?Nah…I wanted to go to NY,go to art school and learnt to dance but instead I make choc chip cookies once a week and eat boxed mac and cheese when David is out of town and thats alot.Do I regret not doing more with my life? Some days sure but if I didnt do what I thought would never happen I wouldnt have my kids and thats most important to me now.Me being happy?Well thats important too I just dont know what it will take to become 'sparkly happy' like I was at 23.Age.I dont know,marriage? Dont know that either but only I can figure that out and when I do watch out world cause there will be trouble coming your way!
February 19th, 2010 at 9:49 pm
Beach, just do what makes you happy. You don't have to have any talent to do that. And you already know what makes you happy. So take baby steps and start there.
February 19th, 2010 at 9:52 pm
Thanks, Cynthia! I can totally relate. There's all kinds of pressure to have a big corporate job and to make lots of money and to be thin and gorgeous and on and on. And that truly makes some people happy. If that is their dream, more power to them. But it's not for everyone. Definitely not me! lmao!!
February 19th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
Think about it, Carol. We want you sparkly happy again. The thing I noticed about you when we first met on FB was that you were so unhappy. I just got a text from my 20-something friend. She said she printed this blog post out and taped it to her mirror so she can remember all the stuff I said in this post and on the phone. Maybe you should do the same. You're older now so what made you sparkly at 23 isn't gonna be your dream now. But you still have dreams and you know deep down what makes you happy. So do it. Even if it probably will make David freak. lmao!!!
March 24th, 2010 at 12:34 am
I know I'm a little late responding, but I needed to read this too, Laura. I will be 25 on March 29th, and I feel like 1/4 of my life has benn wasted. I'm going to college now to become a teacher, but now I'm not sure that's what I want to do. I'm only taking my general classes now, so I don't have to worry about changing majors yet, but I could use some advice. I don't know how to figure out what I want. I have 2 daughters now, am in the middle of a divorce, and am now with someone who really loves, respects, and cares for me. However, I want a career, which is why I'm attending college, but I don;t know how to figure it out. Any suggestons? I'm tired of doing things because others want me to, and that's why I decided on teaching to begin with.
June 21st, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Hi Laura,
Your college roomie Pam, turned me on to you a short while ago. She was so excited to hear what you have been up to since those college days when you were into art. I love your attitude. Thank you so much for what you wrote about talent and happiness. I was close to going back to being a very talented but very unhappy lawyer. I am also 53 years old and don't think it is too late to start a new life. I will keep searching and keep writing, painting and reading until I find the right path.
June 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
WOW, Darcy, talk about a blast from the past! I haven't talked with Pam in 3 decades. I am floored she is still keeping up with me. Awesome! Say "hi" to her for me the next time you talk or email. I guess it comes as no surprise I encouraged her to run off with her boyfriend while we were in college. Hey, a little thing like college should never stand in the way of true love and great sex, right? *lol* And because I walk my talk I actually ran off the next year and married my boyfriend. *lusty grin*
I'm so happy you are enjoying my blog! I hope you are on my email list. If not, you can subscribe at this site or you can send me an email at laurastamps@mindspring.com and I will add you. My June newsletter will come out the end of this week.
That's right, gf!!! Keep following your bliss and your heart (and your pussy). They will never lead you astray. Or if they do you'll have a blast, so it'll be worth it. See how I rationalize being delusional? Totally works for me. *falls over laughing*