Jesus Pete! Don’t do That, Laura!
Here’s how the Uber usually looks when he comes to one of my booksignings. I call these his "Jack Nicholson" sunglasses. Looks totally Uber, doesn’t he? Very Clint Eastwood/Dirty Harry. Especially when I tease him, and he gives me his famous eat-dog-poop-and-die look. LOLAfter G.L. Giles (who is also an Alpha….WOOF!) snaps this pic, she asks, "Hey, can you lose the sunglasses?" The Uber grumbles, but takes them off. This is how we got so many pics of him without the sunglasses. She snaps another pic, and then she asks, "Hey, can you lose the hat?" The Uber growls loudly and gives her that eat-dog-poop-and-die look. "Nnnnnno," he replies testily. G.L. snickers and says, "Okay, no problem." That’s the other reason why I’m laughing in the pic yesterday that we shot for Auntee. Nothing funnier than watching two Alphas sparring with each other, ya know? ROFL
Speaking of the Uber, we went out to eat last night, and our server is another 20-something guy. Turns out this is his first night, and we are his second table. But he doesn’t have a notepad to write his orders on. He tells us they don’t have any for him, so he’s using scrap paper from the trashcan. Poor guy! When we pay our bill, I give him the pink notepad I keep in my backpack purse. He assures me he doesn’t freak over pink like some guys do (I won’t mention the Uber here *grin*), so he’s thrilled to have it, and then he lavishes all his attention on me, while ignoring the Uber. When he walks away the Uber snorts and says, "Now you’ve got another 20-year old flirting with you." I just smile sweetly and reply in my best Southern Belle, "Do tell?"
After dinner we need to stop off at Lowe’s. The Uber is still grumbling about me and 20-something guys. He’s so cranky he won’t let me play the Journey CD in his car on the way over, so I figure I’ll tease him and make him suffer a little. Yeah, I know. I like to play with fire when it comes to the Uber. Hey, not my fault. He’s impossible to resist, ya know? *wicked grin*
I bat my eyelashes at him and say, "Well, you’ve got to admit all that young flesh and stamina is totally yummy." The Uber blows a gasket (he’s soooo easy) and bellows, "Go ahead! Run off with one of those young guys. You can have whatever you want. I don’t care!" Then he proceeds to list all the joys of divorcing me (one of his fav subjects, but too boring, so I never listen *LOL*).
I frown and ask, "I can have whatever I want, huh?" He booms, "Yeah, you can have whatever you want!" And he continues ranting, lost in his divorce delusion. By then we’re walking across the parking lot at Lowe’s. Again, I say, "I just want to get this straight. I can have whatever I want, right?" The Uber looks at me like my elevator is short one floor. So I give him a sexy grin and purr, "In that case, you know what I want."
Hey, I can be generous. I allow a split second for understanding to flash across his face. Then I dive for his dangly part. He squeals and jumps back. "Jesus Pete!" he shouts. "Don’t do that, Laura!" I smile lustily and reply, "Why? You said I could have whatever I want."
He shakes his head and looks at all the people milling around us in the parking lot. Then he notices my glazed, exhibitionist eyes, and how I’m staring at his crotch, licking my lips. "Stop it," he protests, looking around again to see if anyone is watching us. "You could give me a heart attack or something!"
Or something? Nah, not a heart attack. But maybe a hard-on. Oh, yeah. Sounds good to me! *naughty grin*
xoxo
Laura Stamps (c)
Author of Paranormal Romance and Erotica Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)
Laura Stamps (c)
Author of Paranormal Romance and Erotica Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)
Entries (RSS)
October 9th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Poor Uber!
Hey Laura, I hate to say this (because it looks like I’m siding with your Uber), but it’s a wonder you haven’t driven that poor guy insane after all these years! LOL! Or have you?:)
And, has the Uber ever thought of taking you to a restaurant where they only have female servers? I know, I know, what fun would that be…:)
You’re right–he IS easy!
Later;D
auntee
P.S. He does look like a movie star or some V.I.P. in those glasses!
October 9th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Re: Poor Uber!
You’re right, Auntee, he does blame me for all his mental problems. Hey, not my fault. I’m a Southern Belle. We are raised to flirt, tease, and torment men 24/7, and we love every minute of it. ROFL
You know what? The Uber can’t stand restaurants with women servers. Because I’m an Empath, they all become my friends and sit down at the table with us and talk to me, ignoring the Uber. When one leaves he’ll start cranking about how he didn’t come out to eat with all those women. He came out to eat with me. What does this really mean? It means he’s cranky because he came out to dinner to tell me all his worries and woes and complain about his day to me. He can’t do that with all those women around. Yeah, he’s NOT HAPPY about it either! LOL
I know. He is very imposing in sunglasses. Totally Uber. It was even worse in the 80s when I was an artist doing art fairs. Then everyone wore aviators. He would sit in my booth with that Uber look on his face. I swear he looked just like a cop in a bad mood. Because he was scaring my customers away, I made him stay away from me at shows. Ha!
xoxo
Laura Stamps
Author of Paranormal Romance and Erotica Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)
October 9th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Re: Poor Uber!
Jeez, when it comes to restaurants, the poor Uber just can’t win! Unless he can find a restaurant that only employs gay, cranky old men as servers!
No, scratch that…I’m sure he doesn’t want them to come on to HIM!:)
auntee
October 9th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
I assume he consented to “forget” and “forgive” the young guy after this? Does him good to be reminded never promise to a woman you can have whatever you want whenever you want. My husband learned that on our dates real quick. He never gives that one when we are in public anymore as he said he KNOWS I will take him up on it. A lot. It must be a southern woman thing to take advantage of that promise quick. >;)
October 10th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Good for you!! Keep hubby on his toes when he promises you something. Like I always say, Southern Belles aren’t just dangerous when it comes to men, we are LETHAL! And we love every minute of it. *wicked grin*
Ha! Ubers never forgive and forget. Good thing too, since they have verrrryy short memories. Yeah, imagine the possibilities! Is life great or what?!
xoxo
Laura Stamps
Author of Paranormal Romance and Erotica Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)