Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
When I walked into the bedroom last Sunday for our sex date, Wes jumped me before I could even toss the lube and condoms on the nightstand.
Alrightyyyyy!
“What’s with you, big boy?” I ask, after he crushes me to him and gives me a toe-curling kiss.
“I’m horny,” he replies. “I’ve been thinking about fucking you all the way back from Edisto.”
Let me back up for a minute. Last weekend Wes spent a few days golfing and fishing with his bud at Edisto Island, which is about three hours from Columbia. Saturday night we were texting, and I asked him when he was coming home on Sunday and if we were still gonna have our sex date?
He responded by telling me he was too old for that. I texted back and told him that’s tough luck. He’s the one who married a younger woman who likes to fuck all the time and feels like she’s 18.
“Get with the program, dude!” I texted, laughing like crazy.
His only response was “Ok.” You know Alpha men. They’re minimalists in the conversation department.
Little did I know my text was gonna light his fire all the way back from the coast. Usually, he scolds me for saying “fuck” in a text. Obviously, I need to use my fav verb more often. *lusty grin*
Anyway, back to our date. Next thing I know Wes strips off my cami so fast he actually raked the undersides of my breasts with the fabric.
“Whoa, you’re horny!” I exclaim.
Then I look down at his dick, which is hard as a tree branch. Gotta love Viagra and those monthly testosterone shots.
“Wanna fuck?” I purr, winking slyly.
Wes just growls and motions for me to roll on the condom. So much for foreplay. No biggie. I’m a 5-minute foreplay kinda girl myself. I’d much rather cut to the chase and fuck for as long as I can. *sex-obsessed grin*
No sooner do I roll on the condom and coat it with lube than Wes tosses me on the bed.
“Eeek!” I scream, and then he’s on me. He lifts my legs over his shoulders and starts to enter my hot wet pussy, teasing me with the head of his shaft before plunging all the way in.
And that’s when he starts to scream.
Huh?
“Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!” Wes howls pulling out and flopping over on his back.
“What’s wrong?” I have to ask cause with him it could be anything. Or it could be nothing. The man is a Drama Queen Extraordinaire.
“Leg cramp!” he shouts. “Arrrrghhh!”
“Where?”
“My thigh!” Wes flops around on the bed like a fish outta water, massaging his thigh.
Leg cramps are a bitch. I’ve gotten a few in the arch of my foot that have awakened me from a deep sleep. Only way to get rid of them is to leap outta bed and stand up. Still, the fact that he got one just as he was about to fuck my brains out struck me as so hilarious I had to giggle.
“Don’t laugh!” he scolds, jumping off the bed and hopping across the bedroom floor. “It’s not funny!”
What can I say? That just made me laugh harder. I mean, in 32 years of sex with the man this has NEVER happened.
Finally the cramp disappears. But that’s not all.
“I lost my hard-on,” Wes complains, frowning as he looks down at his wilted dick.
“Pain will do that,” I reply, giggling. Okay, I’m a giggly kinda girl. “Think you can get it back up again?”
“I dunno,” he says, stroking his limp dick.
Thanks to my hot lips and his experienced hand we got him hard again ASAP. All his horniness returned, and the man became a racehorse pounding me to the finish line.
Damnation, that felt GOOD!!
Have I mentioned lately how much I love a reallllly HARD dick? Well, I do. And his lasted so long we got to play by experimenting with several new positions.
Afterwards he told me this happened to his bud at Edisto a few years ago. By the way, both of these guys are ex-college basketball players.
When a thigh cramp struck his bud during sex, his wife didn’t laugh like I did. Nah. Instead, while he was hopping around the bedroom floor, she asked, “You know how you’re always yelling at the ball players on TV, telling them to take one for the team when they get injured?”
Wes’s bud just frowned at her, massaging the painful cramp in his thigh.
“Get over here, hon.” She smiled wickedly. “Time to take one for the team.”
Gotta love this woman, ya know? LMAO!!
xoxo
Laura Stamps ©
The Magickal SexWitch
Author of Paranormal Erotica & Romance Novels
laura@laurastamps.com
For HOT vampire erotica go here:
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April 21st, 2010 at 1:08 pm
ok poor Wes… I have visions bouncing around my head….remember that movie with John Ritter and the glow in the dark condoms? Thats what popped into my mind might be from this stupid head cold causing lack of thought process but I am laughing so hard I've tears running down my face….Oh God I need help…Wes sure can be entertaining….
April 21st, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Laura! I was all amped up at the vision of Wes TAKING you like that…. and then BAM.. I was laughing so hard I almost choked to death. *So sorry Wes* I laugh from experience though…The leg cramp thing happened to ME in the backseat of my boyfriends car when I was 18. MY legs open wide, toes pointed in anticipation, him poised to strike and suddenly I'm screaming with the worst leg cramp of my short life. (in the back of my calf) I didn't let it stop me either. Once he helped me work it out, I pushed him back and climbed on top to thank him. >:) Bravo Laura. I needed that laugh this morning.
April 21st, 2010 at 4:25 pm
That's a GREAT idea, Carol!!! Hey, if they make glow-in-the-dark condoms in polyurethene instead of latex, I'm snagging a few boxes. Alrightyyyyy!
See? You have to be careful what you say to me. I'm HIGHLY suggestible when it comes to kinky stuff. And, yes, Wes always cracks me up. It's the reason we've been married so long. Sometimes the only reason. lmao!!!
April 21st, 2010 at 4:29 pm
Hey, girlfriend!!! Glad I could give you a laugh. I was laughing like crazy too when it happened. And I know how bad that feels. Never had one in my thigh but I have in my calf and the arch of my foot (probably because I'm a jogger).
Anyway, Wes tends to get them when he eats too much calcium. And he had just come back from the beach after eating lots of shellfish which are loaded with calcium. On the way home I think he had a cheesburger. So that kinda sealed his leg cramp fate. lmao!
That is wild about your cramp in the backseat. Good thing you had a horny guy handy to kiss it and make it all better. Yummmmm….!
April 21st, 2010 at 4:57 pm
I just read your blog again and I am laughing all over again…I keep seeing little mini glow in the dark swords jumping and running all over…lmao …I think I need some serious help today….
April 21st, 2010 at 5:18 pm
OMG Laura that was friggin hysterical! I actually thought Wes threw his back out! I loved the whole he-man throw you on the bed action, though.. Wicked hot. You know it's all your fault getting him all worked up like that – sexting your man – bad girl! LMAO
April 21st, 2010 at 4:18 pm
Ok so i just laughed until i cried! Just the vision in my head was so vived from your description. Thank you for sharing and making me laugh.
Then i read Carols post and had to laugh all over again. I so love you people, thanks for making my day much better.
April 21st, 2010 at 10:07 pm
Poor Wes, everyone laughing at his thigh cramp. Tee Hee! LOL. My hubby sometimes gets them too, and he's a runner. It's usually when he's doing me from behind. My favorite position by the way!
Glad Wes was able to finish you off like a champ!
April 22nd, 2010 at 12:41 am
I know. It's a great imagie isn't it? I'm thinking day-glow green dicks. Maybe day-glow orange. How about you? No, wait! I've seen day-glow purple condoms too. lmao!!!
Just think. I'm not even doped up on sinus meds like you. This is my normal thinking pattern. Scary. Poor Wes. *laughing like crazy*
April 22nd, 2010 at 12:45 am
I know. I'm such a baaaaaaad girl. But I'm so good at it and I enjoy it so much. Just like my clone Sara says in "A Vampire's Kiss." *lol* Hey, they didn't call me a PT in high school for nothing, ya know? *wicked grin*
April 22nd, 2010 at 12:49 am
Beach, I'm glad you enjoyed it!! You should have seen Carol and I together when she was here in Columbia. We were wide open and had a blast. Just too funny!
April 22nd, 2010 at 12:49 am
Doggie-style. Alrightyyyyy! You go, girlfriend!!!