True Confession Time
My readers often comment about all the empowering info in my Witchery Series novels. Well, there’s a reason for that, and it’s probably not what you think. And that reason is also how I ended up living in South Carolina. Here’s the story. It’s a part of my past I don’t talk about much, but it did come up at Goodreads a few months ago when I reviewed a novel about a heroine running from an abusive husband, so I thought I would talk a little bit about it here at LJ, since it is related to my novels.
First let me say I have always tried to see the glass half full, no matter what. If you’ve been reading my blog and my novels you already know that. What you don’t know is that I ended up in South Carolina because I was on the run for my life. Some of you know I grew up in the Appalachian Mountains of north Georgia. But what you don’t know is that I was engaged to an abusive man in Georgia (before I met and married my wonderful husband three years later in South Carolina). I lost my virginity with my ex-fiancé, and he was my only lover for those two years (I was 17-19). My ex was also unfaithful constantly and would have continued to be after we married, I’m sure. I never had an orgasm with him, even though we had sex several times a week. I didn’t think anything about it until after I left and started dating other men and found out I am a multi-O woman. Just about anything sets me off, as you know (naughty grin). So my ex was a lousy lover, which is usually the case with abusive men.
But these men are very clever and put on a good show for the world, especially if they are as good-looking as my ex. They lead dual lives. My ex was a drug dealer at the time, which was not uncommon in the early 70s in the mountains. Our high school was full of drugs, and cocaine had just gotten popular. Marijuana grew like weeds in the mountains, so it was easy money for him. I had stopped experimenting with drugs when I was a senior in high school. It just wasn’t my thing. But he continued. Here is an example of his dual life. He was a year older than I was, and he was a criminal justice major. I kid you not. He also worked part-time with a parole officer, helping him with his clients. Seriously, he was a scary guy. Not to mention he was a lifeguard at the local pools in the summer (that tells you how yummy-looking he was….a gorgeous blonde, with surfer hair, and tons of charisma).
Yet I was the one who he said needed to be “punished” all the time. And not in a fun dom/sub way. He did rape me once when he was so high he was out of control. Ouch, that hurt, and I couldn’t sit down for 3 days. He also tried to kill me twice. Once with a gun that thankfully only had a few bullets in it, so it just clicked the 2-3 times he pulled the trigger at my head. He also tried to kill me with his car once, but also didn’t succeed.
And that’s how I ended up in South Carolina. I realized the relationship with my ex-fiancé would eventually kill me (literally), so I waited for him to leave town for the weekend, and then I quit my job, dropped out of college, packed up everything I owned in my car, and left the state of Georgia in the middle of the night.
Yet leaving him was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had zero self-esteem, coming from a dysfunctional family (alcoholism, etc.) and from his abuse, so my mindset was usually confused and hopeless. But somehow I realized I would have to leave the state to save my life. Even though it meant giving up everything. I had to leave the mountains, a land that I still love. I had to drop out of college 2 months before I was going to graduate, which means I gave up not only my Associate degree, but also the first ever Award for Artistic Achievement, which they were going to present to me at graduation. They had to mail that to me later. College was hard to give up, because I didn’t have any money, which means I was working 3 jobs to put myself through college. I gave up my friends. Everything. But it was worth it to save my life.
Even so it was mentally and emotionally devastating. I went to South Carolina because my parents had divorced, and one had moved to Myrtle Beach. I figured I would stay there for a few months, work at one of the tourist shops, and earn enough money to move to Charleston and start the fall semester at the College of Charleston, which I did. Well, I was in really bad shape when I got there, as you can imagine. I cried in my sleep for a year. Because of my family situation I didn’t get the counseling I needed, so I fell into a very dark depression that lasted for two years and gave me several health problems.
Unfortunately, I know about stalking, too. I’ve been stalked twice in my life, actually. So I know what’s that like. Always looking over your shoulder, knowing one day you’ll turn around, and he’ll be there because he’s coming for you. Yeah, for those of you who have read my novel What Witches Want, I based Greer in that novel on my ex. Well, my ex did find me in South Carolina a few weeks later, but I survived the encounter and refused to go back. Smartest decision I ever made.
So I made a choice for a better life when I was 19, and I’ve never looked back. That’s the reason you will always find positive, empowering info in my novels. The kind of info my readers can use in their own lives. It’s a commitment I made a long time ago to help other women, because of all the bad stuff I’ve been through. The funny thing is many people, who read my novels or know me, think my life is so wonderful now because it has always been that way. No, far from it. Instead I have rebuilt my life from the ground up, bit by bit, one conscious decision after another, until I achieved my goal of a better life. And it all started on that night when I was 19, fleeing for my life in the middle of the night.
I’ll never forget a call I received about 15 years ago from a woman who had just read one of my books. She called to ask me this question: “Laura, what horrible place did you come from in order to be able to write such beautiful, positive books?” She knew. One survivor can always spot another. But like I say: surviving isn’t living. At some point you have to make the decision to not only save yourself, but to stop surviving and start living and building the life of your dreams. That’s what I did 32 years ago. And building the life of my dreams is what I have been doing ever since.
Because of my situation I had to find the help on my own and learn how to heal myself not only from the abuse but also from the health problems. That was really hard, but that’s what I meant about the glass being half full. It didn’t seem like it at the time. But over the years, as I learned how to become empowered and rebuild my self-esteem and my life, I realized I could help other women in the same way. Thus, all the empowering info in my Witchery novels and my commitment to that. And it worked. Not only for me. But also for the thousands and thousands of women who have read my books and have emailed, called, and written to tell me how their lives have been changed by what I have written.
See? In the end the glass was half full after all. So no matter how young or old you are, if you’re reading this blog post and you are in an abusive situation, I want you to know there is hope and the chance to make a better life for yourself. But the first thing you have to do is to GET OUT. It will be one of the toughest decisions of your life, but soooo worth it. Trust me. I know.
xoxo
Laura Stamps
Author of Paranormal Romance and Erotica Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)
Laura Stamps
Author of Paranormal Romance and Erotica Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)
Entries (RSS)
August 5th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Wow, I know you and I had spoken before about some of the things you’d been through, but we never went that in depth.
I have to say, hearing your story and seeing how far you’ve come really puts my life into perspective. I still have a decent relationship with my family, even if it isn’t ideal.
And my little bout of depression because I’m bored and don’t know what to do, really doesn’t seem like the end of the world.
It’s great to hear you speak about those things and then be able remain positive. It’s like everything I’ve been through with my mom. It would be so easy to blame her for everything for the rest of my life, but it feels so much better to take responsibility for my life and then turn around and thank her for everything she put me through because it taught me my own strenghth.
That was a great post, very empowering!
August 5th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Blimey never realised that you’d been through all that (relatively new your blog)and more power to your elbow for finding the strength and courage to get out. I mean I’m doing the best I can to get out of my current life. Not because it’s an abusive relationship or anything like that. But simply because it doesn’t fit me anymore.
But it’s still scary, nonetheless. And good on you for rebuilding your life and remaining so positive.
August 5th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Hi, Lindsay! Yeah, this is something I rarely talk about, and it seems like a million years ago. But when you think about it, what I went through back then really did form the core of who I am now and everything I have accomplished so far with my life. So it’s good to revisit it from time to time. And, of course, every time I think about the character Greer in “What Witches Want: Book Two of the Witchery Series” I remember my ex. Ha!
But I think it’s awesome what any of us can accomplish no matter how bad things look. So I posted this to encourage others. To show them that their potential to create the life they desire really is limitless. You just have to come up with a plan and then do it. But sometimes the first thing you have to do is simply to GET OUT out of the bad situation you’re in. And many times that can be the hardest thing of all.
Much love to you!!
xoxo
Laura Stamps
Author of Paranormal Romance and Erotica Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)
August 5th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Hi, Annie (big wave!)–
Great to hear from you! Thanks, and good luck to you getting out of a life that doesn’t fit anymore. That happens more often than you think. As we grow and change we outgrow our old lives and need to reach for what does fit. Really scary stuff. But keep looking to the positive, and it will get better.
You go girl!!!
xoxo
Laura Stamps
Author of Paranormal Romance and Erotica Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)
August 5th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Wow! I had no idea what you had been through! I never buy into the theory that happy people today have always been positive and never had difficulties. I find that most of the happy people I know have struggled through more adversity than others and come through it thankful for their lives and experiences that brought them to where they are. I am happy that you were able to get out of that very abusive situation and were able to take control of your life and make something great for yourself. I am also happy you shared your story so that others can find the ability to empower themselves and rise above the negative situations. You’re an awesome person and I am glad to have the chance to get to know you better
I haven’t had the easiest life either (compared to some it looks like a cakewalk) but you never can judge the person from what you see on the outside. My struggle with bipolar very nearly killed my marriage and the worst part was that I had no idea that I was bipolar when it was devouring our relationship. Luckily, I was working in a doctor’s office and was able to get the help I needed to get treatment. I am fortunate to have bipolar type 2 and mine is also treatable. I spent a couple of years in therapy and on meds until I accidentally took myself off the meds during my dad’s last hospital stay. The doctor was pretty impressed with all that I went through without the meds and agreed that if I was doing well that I could continue to be off until we felt that I should get back on. So, I am drug free. My goal is to stay that way. But that’s just a small glimpse of the insanity that has occurred in my life. I just choose to look at it as what I had to go through to get to here. And now I am looking at current trials as what I have to go through to get to my next stage.
Again, thanks for sharing your story and your positive attitude!! My post on Friday was about people like you
August 5th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Wow, Melissa! That is awesome you are off meds. I have a few friends who are bi-polar, and that is a tough path for sure, especially when you don’t know what’s wrong. You definitely rock!!
Hope your tummy is feeling better this week. Much love to you!!
xoxo
Laura Stamps
Author of Paranormal Romance and Erotica Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)
August 7th, 2008 at 9:12 am
I can relate to what you’ve gone through, not directly though, but what happened to my younger sister. She was married to an abusive mexican for 10 years and no one knew it until the last couple of years when he got really bad after getting into crystal meth. He didn’t take kindly to her finally getting a backbone and kicking him out of the house. So he kidnapped her and their 2 kids (3 and 1 yrs old at the time) after severally beating and strangling her almost to death. I was the one who discovered the blood soaked house and had to call 911. Thank the Goddess she was found alive with the kids and he was captured. He’s now serving a 13 year prison sentence in the state penn. That was 7 years ago and now she’s remarried to a wonderful man, and they just had their 1st year anniversary.
Ja’niece
August 7th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Wow, Ja’niece, that is an awesome story! I’m so glad everything worked out well for your sister. She is a very lucky woman, and I’m so glad you were there to find out what happened, even though it had to be horrible for you. Amazing.
BTW, I’m thrilled to see you at the Purvettes group at GR!!! Just think, a few weeks ago you asked me about creating a group like this, and I PMed Auntee, and like me she didn’t have the time do start one either. Who knew Christel would do it? Fantastic! And I’m so glad she did. Already the ladies have been chatting away. No surprise there, right? We are a chatty, naughty bunch!
Much love to you!
xoxo
Laura Stamps
Author of Paranormal Romance and Erotica Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)