What I Did on my Vacation (or How to Tickle His Pickle)

Hope you had a great weekend! Mine was major fun. On Saturday the Uber and I went down to Charleston for a wedding. It takes about two hours to drive from Columbia to Charleston, so I wait until we’re on the highway before I say, "Hey, let’s listen to the Journey CD." After much moaning and groaning from the Uber, he slips it into the CD player. Okay, he’s not a rabid fan of Journey like I am.

An hour later when the last song ends, I say, "Want to listen to it again?" The Uber gives me a withering look and says, "No." It always makes me laugh when he says that word, because he doesn’t say it like everyone else. Instead he rolls the first letter and clips the last one really short, kinda like "Nnnnnnnnno." Translation? Nada/Never/Forget it/Don’t bring this up again anytime soon. Totally Uber, isn’t it? ROFL

Okay, no encore for the Journey CD. That leaves an hour of drive-time to fill. What will we do? Fortunately, I tossed the pickle book in my backpack purse before we left Columbia. If you didn’t come to my blog chat on Friday, you might not know about this book. It’s called Tickle His Pickle: Your Hands-On Guide to Penis Pleasing by Dr. Sadie Allison. No kidding. I bought it at Waldenbooks on Friday, and figured I’d have some time in Charleston to read through it. This seems like a good opportunity, so I pull it out and begin reading the highlights from it to the Uber for the next hour. Ya know, stuff like Penis No-Nos, Testicle No-Nos, How to shave a man’s balls (verrrry carefully), flavored lubes, etc.

When we arrive at the hotel in downtown Charleston I’m already halfway through the book. After parking in the public garage and checking into our hotel room, we flop down on each of the double beds for a nap before we need to get dressed for the wedding. The Uber turns golf on the TV (with the sound muted, of course). I pull out the pickle book and continue entertaining him with tidbits from this informative little gem.

Now I’m to the part about the different techniques for giving a good BJ (the Thank U, the Sausage Wrap, the Twister, the Turtleneck, the Cigar Roll, the Double His Pleasure, the Tricky Dick, the Ball Buzzer, etc.). I’m about to start the chapter on how to use a vibrator to enhance your BJ technique (Ooooh, sounds like fun! *wicked grin*). The Uber smiles at me and says, "Hmm, I think we should try some of this stuff after the reception tonight." I give him a naughty grin and reply, "My thinkin’ exactly."

The wedding was very nice. And, no, the church didn’t collapse when I walked through the door. In fact the groom came up to me outside and said he wanted to talk with me later, because he admires the fact that I’m not like everyone else his parents know. He loves that I’m "different," and I exist "outside the box" (his words). I’m thinking this is totally cool. Someone has obviously been saying nice things about me (thanks, Trisha and Gus!). Hey, maybe that’s why no one threw holy water at me when I walked through the door of the church. No, wait. That’s for vampires, isn’t it?

Anyway, the reception was the best party I’ve been to in years (thanks, Trisha and Gus!). I had been warning the Uber for weeks I planned to do a lot of dancing at the reception. He thought I was kidding, because he hates to dance. Nope, I was serious. I lost count how many times I pulled him out on the dance floor so I could shake my fanny. Hey, not my fault. The band was awesome, playing an endless hit list of pop dance tunes from the 70s and 80s. Yup, I was a dancing fool and loved every minute of it, while completely ignoring the Uber’s pleas for mercy (of course). All I can say is that reception ROCKED! I also handed out lots of my business cards to interested people, much to the Uber’s chagrin. He seems to think the fact that I write erotica should be "a secret" when it comes to the people he knows. Nah.

When we got back to the hotel room five hours later, we agreed we were too exhausted to give the pickle book a test drive. The Uber goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth and comes out just as I strip off my shirt and bra and grab my nightgown. He starts walking toward me, looking more like a hungry man than someone who’s been tortured for over two hours on the dance floor. "Mmm," he says, licking his lips, "what have we here?" I drop the nightgown and wiggle my breasts at him. "I thought you were too tired," I reply, smiling wickedly. "Mmm," he says again, as he grabs me and begins nibbling. Now it’s my turn to say, "Mmmm…..!!"

Several orgasms later I fall asleep with ear plugs in my ears (the Uber snores) and a verrrry satisfied smile on my face. We never got around to taking the pickle book for a test drive. But, hey, there’s always tonight. *lusty grin*

xoxo
Laura Stamps (c)
Author of Paranormal Romance and Erotica Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com

(my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)

Tags: nonfiction sex books, travel

This entry was posted on Monday, September 22nd, 2008 at 8:41 am and is filed under Now Reading, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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adept_starsong Says:
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:14 am

LoL, when I read the word “fanny” in your entry, I was like, “WHAT?!”

Before I realised you meant something different from what it means in NZ.

In my defence: It’s been a long, long day.

Anonymous Says:
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:32 am

It means “vagina”. So what I read was that you were shaking your…

A little concerning.

LoL, this teacher told me this story once about this priest who was from America telling these girls who were racing to “Move their fannies!” He didn’t realise what fanny meant in NZ, and when someone told him…

The poor man.

And thank you! Tattoos = Awesome

laura_stamps8 Says:
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:33 am

How funny! What does “fanny” mean in NZ? In the US I’m talking about my butt.

BTW, love your pentacle tattookink!!

xoxo
Laura Stamps
Author of Paranormal Romance and Erotica Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)

laura_stamps8 Says:
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:39 am

I am laughing my head off! Yeah, shaking my vagina would be rather bizarre to say the least. How funny!!!

If you’re wondering why my first comment appeared again, LJ wanted me to log in for a change and so my first comment appeared as Anon (shakes my head). So I deleted it when I got in and posted it again.

Yeah, weird energy over here today. Can you feel it in NZ too? Feels planetary for sure.

Okay, now I’m off to write my post for today. More hysterical wedding and pickle stuff. Love those pickles!! *naughty grin*

jan1228 Says:
September 24th, 2008 at 3:02 am

Laura you crack me up! You have to be the best at cheering me up for a blue Tuesday.

Ja’niece

laura_stamps8 Says:
September 24th, 2008 at 10:41 am

Hi, Ja’niece, great to hear from you! Sorry you’ve been having a blue Tuesday. But, hey, I’m happy my blog can cheer you up. And the Uber? Well, he cracks me up all the time too (much to his dismay)! *wicked grin*

daalmonette Says:
September 26th, 2008 at 4:24 pm

I know now what I can refer you blog to. It’s like reading a novella everyday. But it’s real so it makes it more relatable. Like when you connect with a character, you know? You get me I am sure. I was giggling about the “fanny” comments too.

OMG, am I going to have to go back and read your comments to Laura? These were funny!!

laura_stamps8 Says:
September 26th, 2008 at 4:37 pm

I just responded to your comment at GR about my LJ blog and told you to check out my LJ posts about the wedding. I thought you’d get a kick out of them! *naughty grin*

Yeah, well that’s the thing. And I totlly get what you’re saying. I am a novelist, so it is natural for me to write about the crazy, sexy things in my life as if I were writing one of my novels….with dialogue and all. Much to my Uber’s dismay! ROFL

I’m glad you are enjoying it!!

What I Did on my Vacation (or How to Tickle His Pickle)

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