Laura Stamps » lingerie

Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

Laura — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 12:00:08 +0000

When I walked into the bedroom last Sunday for our sex date, Wes jumped me before I could even toss the lube and condoms on the nightstand.

Alrightyyyyy!

“What’s with you, big boy?” I ask, after he crushes me to him and gives me a toe-curling kiss.

“I’m horny,” he replies. “I’ve been thinking about fucking you all the way back from Edisto.”

Let me back up for a minute. Last weekend Wes spent a few days golfing and fishing with his bud at Edisto Island, which is about three hours from Columbia. Saturday night we were texting, and I asked him when he was coming home on Sunday and if we were still gonna have our sex date?

He responded by telling me he was too old for that. I texted back and told him that’s tough luck. He’s the one who married a younger woman who likes to fuck all the time and feels like she’s 18.

“Get with the program, dude!” I texted, laughing like crazy.

His only response was “Ok.” You know Alpha men. They’re minimalists in the conversation department.

Little did I know my text was gonna light his fire all the way back from the coast. Usually, he scolds me for saying “fuck” in a text. Obviously, I need to use my fav verb more often. *lusty grin*

Anyway, back to our date. Next thing I know Wes strips off my cami so fast he actually raked the undersides of my breasts with the fabric.

“Whoa, you’re horny!” I exclaim.

Then I look down at his dick, which is hard as a tree branch. Gotta love Viagra and those monthly testosterone shots.

“Wanna fuck?” I purr, winking slyly.

Wes just growls and motions for me to roll on the condom. So much for foreplay. No biggie. I’m a 5-minute foreplay kinda girl myself. I’d much rather cut to the chase and fuck for as long as I can. *sex-obsessed grin*

No sooner do I roll on the condom and coat it with lube than Wes tosses me on the bed.

“Eeek!” I scream, and then he’s on me. He lifts my legs over his shoulders and starts to enter my hot wet pussy, teasing me with the head of his shaft before plunging all the way in.

And that’s when he starts to scream.

Huh?

“Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!” Wes howls pulling out and flopping over on his back.

“What’s wrong?” I have to ask cause with him it could be anything. Or it could be nothing. The man is a Drama Queen Extraordinaire.

“Leg cramp!” he shouts. “Arrrrghhh!”

“Where?”

“My thigh!” Wes flops around on the bed like a fish outta water, massaging his thigh.

Leg cramps are a bitch. I’ve gotten a few in the arch of my foot that have awakened me from a deep sleep. Only way to get rid of them is to leap outta bed and stand up. Still, the fact that he got one just as he was about to fuck my brains out struck me as so hilarious I had to giggle.

“Don’t laugh!” he scolds, jumping off the bed and hopping across the bedroom floor. “It’s not funny!”

What can I say? That just made me laugh harder. I mean, in 32 years of sex with the man this has NEVER happened.

Finally the cramp disappears. But that’s not all.

“I lost my hard-on,” Wes complains, frowning as he looks down at his wilted dick.

“Pain will do that,” I reply, giggling. Okay, I’m a giggly kinda girl. “Think you can get it back up again?”

“I dunno,” he says, stroking his limp dick.

Thanks to my hot lips and his experienced hand we got him hard again ASAP. All his horniness returned, and the man became a racehorse pounding me to the finish line.

Damnation, that felt GOOD!!

Have I mentioned lately how much I love a reallllly HARD dick? Well, I do. And his lasted so long we got to play by experimenting with several new positions.

Afterwards he told me this happened to his bud at Edisto a few years ago. By the way, both of these guys are ex-college basketball players.

When a thigh cramp struck his bud during sex, his wife didn’t laugh like I did. Nah. Instead, while he was hopping around the bedroom floor, she asked, “You know how you’re always yelling at the ball players on TV, telling them to take one for the team when they get injured?”

Wes’s bud just frowned at her, massaging the painful cramp in his thigh.

“Get over here, hon.” She smiled wickedly. “Time to take one for the team.”

Gotta love this woman, ya know? LMAO!!

xoxo
Laura Stamps ©
The Magickal SexWitch
Author of Paranormal Erotica & Romance Novels
laura@laurastamps.com
For HOT vampire erotica go here:
http://www.avampskiss.blogspot.com
Check out my naughty blog & novels:
http://www.LauraStamps.com
My “Laura Stamps” Fan Page at Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/sexwitch
Follow me on Twitter at:
http://twitter.com/sexwitch

Laura’s Naughty Sex Shop is Here…Yay!!

Laura — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 13:00:23 +0000

Alex has created the most awesome new feature for my site. It’s called “Laura’s Naughty Sex Shop.”

Oh, yeah. It’s exactly what it sounds like. *kinky grin*

This is a store where you can find all the products I’ve recommended on this blog (and more!) in one, convenient place. My fav erotica and paranormal romance novels, sex toys & kink, trashy lingerie, nonfiction sex books, and groovin’ music to fuck by.

Is that cool or what?!

I always say I’m a simple slut, and it’s true. So Alex and I have been working hard to make it easy for my readers to go to one place on this website to find all the sexy stuff I’ve raved about in my blog posts and comments.

Trust me. You’re gonna love everything in this shop from the books to the CDs to the dongs to the sexy lingerie to the nipple clips, and much, much more!

To find it, just go to the button bar at the top of the homepage. Click on “Shop!” That will take you directly to “Laura’s Naughty Sex Shop.”

When you get there, you’ll see six categories listed on the right side of the store. Browse through them, and if you see something that interests you, click on the title of that item for more info. If you decide to buy it, all you gotta do is add it to your shopping cart. The entire store is powered by Amazon, so it’s simple, simple, simple. No wonder I love it.

Okay, readers, go forth and SHOP! Yeah, definitely one of this slut’s fav things to do… *addicted grin*

xoxo
Laura Stamps
Paranormal Erotica & Romance Novelist
(Witches, Shapeshifters, Vampires)
To read excerpts from my novels:
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com
Check out my verrrrry naughty blog:
http://www.LauraStamps.com
My “Laura Stamps” Fan Page at Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/sexwitch
Follow me on Twitter at:
http://twitter.com/sexwitch

Addicted to Sex, Lust, Trashy Lingerie, and BJs

Laura — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 13:00:06 +0000

Yeah, that’s me. And those are my four addictions. Oh, how I love them!! *lusty grin*

When I posted on Facebook earlier this week about my recent sexy lingerie purchases, I got a comment from one of my fans that made me think about this.

Readers often assume I buy sexy, trashy lingerie for Wes. Nah. The truth is the man isn’t into lingerie. In fact, he thinks my obsession is silly. No, I’m not kidding.

So I buy trashy lingerie for ME. That’s right. Like all my addictions, it makes me happy. And anything that makes me happy is something I’m gonna do a LOT.

You know what this means, right? If you love sexy lingerie, but you haven’t bought any lately because you don’t have a man in your life or your guy doesn’t appreciate it, I just gave you the green light, girlfriend! Hit some sales and stock up. Buy sexy lingerie for yourself. There is tremendous freedom in taking control of your own pleasure. And this is just one way to do it.

Hey, I learned decades ago the only person who is gonna make me happy is me. So I enjoy and indulge in all my addictions because they make ME happy. Period. My enjoyment of them is not based on whether the man in my life gets the same amount of pleasure from them. Why? Because, ultimately, he’s responsible for his own pleasure. Not me. Co-dependency is such a drag, ya know?

That also goes for my addictions to sex, lust, and BJs. I indulge as often as I can because they make me happy. The cool thing is when I’m happily fucking or consumed with lust or giving a BJ, the man in my life is pretty happy, too. Funny how that works… *sex-obsessed grin*

If this makes sense to you then go for it! Be selfish like me. Be greedy. Be lusty. Be an empowered woman who goes after her own pleasure just because it makes her happy.

Who cares of some people call these kinds of addictions a “sin”? Damnation is such a snooze, ya know? If you ask me, this is just another ploy to keep wild women from having fun.

So go forth and sin, girlfriends! Hit those lingerie sales. Take control of your pleasure. What are you waiting for?

Being a selfish slut is major fun. Hey, just ask me… *sinfully happy grin*

For the Love of Trashy Lingerie

Laura — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 13:00:10 +0000

I don’t know if you’ve seen the comments on this blog or at Facebook, but my booksigning on Saturday was a HUGE success! Local readers/fans read in the December issue of my newsletter that it was my last booksigning, and they came out in force to buy my novels for themselves and as gifts for friends. Others came out just to tell me how much they loved the novels.

Consequently, I sold out in an hour and a half. Wow! Yeah, I definitely felt the love on Saturday. Thanks, everyone…you are the BEST!!

Then, as I was leaving the mall, I discovered the lingerie department at Dillard’s was having its semi-annual lingerie sale.

Uh-oh.

I didn’t have time to stop on Saturday, but planned to go back this week. Why? Because (as you all know) I’m a trashy lingerie addict! And when I hit a big sale I like to take my time and look at EVERYTHING.

Then on Sunday night I was up until midnight, talking with a producer friend of mine about a photo shoot Alex and Rick are setting up for me with a glamour photographer next week. They want a bunch of sexy new pics of me for the novels and PR.

My friend has a lot of experience with shoots like this, so he helped me go through my wardrobe and pick out items we could put together in sexy outfits.

Of course, the challenge is Wes. He doesn’t mind me taking panty shots all by myself in my bathroom with my cell phone camera. But no way is he gonna let a photographer and other people see me in my panties in real life. LOL

So my friend and I had great fun putting together sexy outfits from my lingerie and street clothes that wouldn’t freak Wes out.

You know what this means, right? I now had a “professional” excuse to hit the lingerie sale at Dillard’s and indulge my addiction.

Alrightyyyyy! So I dashed over there Monday afternoon.

OMGoddess! You would have been so proud of me! I snagged two pairs of decadent hot pink lace panties marked down to $2.99 and $3.99. As well as several pairs of wicked black lace thigh-high stockings.

Best of all I found a gorgeous leopard-print short robe. It’s sooooo trashy. I just love it! It’s completely sheer, soft as a scarf, and was marked down from $50.00 to $38.00. It’s gonna look soooooo good with some of those outfits for the photo shoot next week, not to mention I’ve been wanting one for years and haven’t been able to find one I liked at a good price.

Driving back to my office, I realized there was a realllly short skirt I should get as well. It would look totally fab with the thigh-high stockings. You know what this means, right? I’ve got another professional excuse to go back and buy more.

Alrightyyyyy!

As soon as I buy a digital camera (yes, Rick and Alex want me to get one of those, too) I’ll post pics on this site of my wicked panty purchases.

I know. I have waaaaay too much fun…! *trashy grin*

Tiny Zebra-Print Bikini Panties

Laura — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 12:36:38 +0000

I had major fun yesterday. Not to mention all kinds of extra time in the morning. That’s because from now on I’m only posting on my blog at my new website and nowhere else. Yeah, that felt realllllly strange.

Usually, it takes me about two hours first thing every morning to write my blog post for the day and then post it in the six different places you can find it on the web (LiveJournal, my blog groups, etc.).

But yesterday morning I wrote my blog post, posted it on the blog at my new site, and that was it. The whole thing took like 30 minutes. True, it was a short blog post, but still…

That gave me plenty of time to network with my friends and fans at Facebook, post the next question in my “The Witchery Series” contest on my “Laura Stamps” fan page at Facebook, and answer emails from fans I’ve fallen behind on this week. Totally cool!

Then I jumped in the shower and dashed out to run errands.

My first stop was Target. Good thing, too. When I stepped out of the car, the heel of my boot almost came off. Yikes! I guess all that sightseeing in Boston and dancing at my reunion in Georgia was too much for my fav pair of boots. So I quickly added Krazy Glue to my shopping list at Target (which worked great, BTW).

Then I headed down to TJMaxx. I’ve been in the mood for gardenia lately. That means I’ve been wearing the perfume I think of as my “signature scent.” Ya know, the one you always go back to year after year (only in my case that would be decade after decade). Anyway, I’ve worn “White Shoulders” since college, and even though I wear other scents from time to time (like musk or pheromone perfume or fruity scents), I never tire of “White Shoulders.” It’s the gardenia in it that brings me back every time. I just LOVE gardenia! It’s such a smoldering, sexy scent, ya know? So I’ve been in the mood for gardenia this month and wanted to see if I could find some organic gardenia body lotion at TJMaxx.

No such luck. But I did snag two really cute pairs of leopard-print panties and a pair of zebra-print panties. All are tiny and sooooo trashy with ruffles on the legs and a row of red heart buttons going down the front to my mound.

Who could resist such slutty lingerie, and ON SALE too? Not me! All I can say is these are gonna make great pics for my website. *kinky grin*

When I got back to my office I spent the rest of the afternoon finishing up the October issue of my naughty newsletter and sending it out to subscribers. Not to mention doing lots of text messaging sex with some of my cybersex guys. Hey, there’ll never come a day when I’m too busy to cyberfuck. Horrors! In fact, banish that thought. If anything, I do have my priorities in order, ya know? LOL

So I can’t wait for Wes to see me in these skimpy new panties. He’s gonna love them.

Know why? Because the testosterone shot finally kicked in. YAY!!! That man has given me more lusty looks in the last two weeks than he has given me in the last two decades. Yowza! His dick gets harder faster, and his fucking is furious and lasts longer. Double Yowza!

Now you know why I got a friction burn on my pussy from our sex date on Sunday. True, I couldn’t sit down for two days without wincing. But it was sooooo worth it.

In the meantime, if the company that makes the stuff for the testosterone shots needs a cheerleader for that product, tell them to give me a call. I’m definitely their girl. Not only would I give a great testimonial, BUT can you imagine how cute I’d look in a cheerleading outfit? Oh, yeah. I’d have such fun jumping around, flipping up my short skirt every chance I got, flashing the crowd with my new zebra-print panties. Yeah, I could totally get into that.

Okay, once a slut always a slut. But I’m so GOOD at it!!! *slutty grin*

xoxo
Laura Stamps (c)
Author of Paranormal Erotica & Romance Novels
Check out my “Laura Stamps” Fan Page at Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/SexWitchLaura?ref=profile#/sexwitch

Fishnet Panties & Twisted Pleasure

Laura — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 12:49:00 +0000

I had lots of naughty fun yesterday, and I’m blaming it all on Wes. Yes, I am. He’s the one who called yesterday morning to tell me our neighborhood K-Mart was going out of business. Horrors!! That’s where I buy 95% of my clothes and shoes.

Okay, now you know. I’m a K-Mart girl. LOL

However, on the plus side, that meant they’re also having a killer sale, and you know how much I LOVE those. Yowza! So after I stopped by the post office to pick up my mail I dashed down to K-Mart.

In my defense I did buy one cute pink girlie shirt like I always wear. But mostly I bought trashy lingerie (gee, what a surprise!). Just imagine sheer black fishnet panties with rhinestones. Or tiny, hot pink satin panties with black lace and a dangling silver heart charm. Or a matching leopard-print panty & cami set with nothing but a scrap of red lace covering my ass. Yummmmmy! Yeah, I bought all of those and more.

As you can tell, it was Slut Nirvana for me. But also for my agent when I take pics of myself modeling my new purchases and text them to him later this week. After all, he tells me it’s important I build a "library" of panty pics for some of the book promotions we have coming up this fall, so I’m just following orders, right? I know. I’m such a good girl. Not. *naughty grin*

I returned to a mountain of emails when I got back to my office. But after I finished answering those I got a chance to do some research on computer.

As you know from reading this blog, the ph of Wes’s semen is now toxic to my bladder because of the heart and high blood pressure meds he’s taking. So we’re about to enter the wild & crazy world of Condom Sex. The only problem is the last time we used a condom was like 31 years ago. Yeah, things have changed, and I’m totally clueless.

However I’m really good with change, so I’ve decide not to look at this dilemma as a downer but as an opportunity to add more kink to my sex life (gee, what a surprise!). In keeping with this theme, I bought a ridged condom called "Twisted Pleasure." It looked like major fun, but I wanted to research it on the web to make sure it wouldn’t irritate my bladder. I’d heard certain lubes and spermicides cause UTIs.

Horrors!

Turns out "Twisted Pleasure" is coated with a safe lube that doesn’t contain a spermicide. Yay! And it got great reviews all over the web, including Amazon. Hey, I knew Amazon sold vibrators and butt blogs and sex toys, but I had no idea it sold condoms, too.

Wow, talk about diversification. But I digress…

Anyway, it seems both men and women are raving about how good "Twisted Pleasure" feels with its kinky design. Some even say it’s the only condom they use.

Cool! Now I’m really looking forward to this "twisted" experience. Makes me purrrrrrr just thinking about it. *kinky grin*

Of course when we take "Twisted Pleasure" for a test drive Ill tell you all about it. You know I will.

Stay tuned…

xoxo
Laura Stamps (c)
Author of Erotica and Paranormal Romance Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (to read excerpts from my novel series)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog…updated daily *wicked grin*)

Slut Nirvana

Laura — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 18:57:00 +0000

I had major fun yesterday! It’s been such an intense week I thought I would treat myself and do some shopping.

The thing is I need a new robe. Mine has seen better days. What I’m looking for is a short, silky, black robe with lace. I’ve seen them at the lingerie departments I usually shop at, but I prefer to buy on sale. So far no luck.

Then I realized I haven’t been to T.J. Maxx in ages. I don’t shop there very often, but who knows? I might find a robe there I like at a great price. So I stopped by yesterday morning.

No robe, but I did buy a wicked pair of black silk panties edged with fuck-me red lace on sale for $1.99. And a decadent bottle of organic raspberry body lotion for $3.99.

Gotta love their prices. Yeah, I was very pleased with my purchases. I was in Slut Nirvana for sure. *lusty grin*

As you can imagine I smell reallllly good today. Just like raspberries and cream.

Wanna lick me? Purrrrrrrrrr….

My Fuck-Me Red Panties

Laura — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:36:00 +0000

Hope you had a great weekend. Mine was AWESOME!

On Saturday I finished up five new books for my agent that I’ve been getting in publishable form for him since he and I started talking in June. By then it was noon, so I jumped in the shower.

Have I mentioned I was horny as hell on Saturday? Well, I was. I tend to get like that when I’m tired, and I woke up exhausted on Saturday morning, because Friday had turned out to be a verrrry long workday. Anyway, by the time I jumped in the shower my energy level was back to normal, but I was still HORNY!

Have I mentioned I’ve been doing some of self-servicing in the shower because one of my cyber-sex guys suggested it? Well, he did. And I did. It took the edge off, but I was still HORNY!

Have I mentioned I’ve been in the mood for black fishnet lately? Well, I am. And last Friday I found a gorgeous cami on sale at the mall. Just what I’ve been craving. It’s black fishnet in a tiny weave trimmed in black lace. But it’s also got a lot of spandex in it, so it’s formfitting AND verrrrrry sheer. Oh, yeah. Totally wicked…just like I like. *lusty grin*

So when I stepped out of the shower on Saturday I slipped on that new cami and a fav pair of fuck-me red lace panties.

Last week I’d told my agent and some of my cyber-sex guys I planned to take some new pics with my cell phone camera when I found a fishnet cami I liked. Now that the books were finished I had the time to play around with my camera and this new outfit.

WOW! The pics came out fantastic. Yeah, I’m very pleased with them. And I’ll be posting a few soon. But my agent told me not to post them all at once like I usually do. Instead he wants me to space them out. Ya know, post one every week or so as a "tease." Gee, sounds just like me, doesn’t it? No wonder I loved that idea when he suggested it. *naughty grin*

Fortunately, one of my cyber-sex guys checked in with me after I took the pics, and we cyber-fucked each other the rest of the afternoon while I packed up boxes of books and straightened up my office.

Whew! Thank the Goddess for wild cyber-sex, ya know? It did the trick, and I felt much better by the time Wes came home that evening from playing golf. Otherwise, I might have jumped him and done terrible naughty things to his gorgeous dick. Really.

Speaking of Wes, we had a sizzling hot sex date on Sunday. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.

In the meantime, think about those fuck-me red panties of mine. You’ll be seeing them soon. I promise….. *naughty grin*

xoxo
Laura Stamps (c)
Author of Erotica and Paranormal Romance Novels
http://www.LauraStamps.blogspot.com (excerpts from all of my novels)
http://laura-stamps8.livejournal.com (my naughty Author Blog/updated daily)

A New Pic of Me. Naughty, Naughty!

Laura — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:13:00 +0000

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while you know my memoir will be coming out the end of the year. It’s called "Being Naughty & Loving Every Minute of It: The Life and Times of an Erotica Novelist."

I’ve already mentioned on this blog that I felt the cover of the book should feature me in some of my fav lingerie. Like a black lace cami and my leopard-print panties. My publisher and I decided I should also wear low-riding jeans and unzip them so everyone can get a glimpse of the panties. Ya know, make the cover a seductive tease. Love it!

On Wednesday I set aside some time in the afternoon to fool around with the camera on my new cell phone. I wanted to take a bunch of pics of this idea to text to my publisher.

Even though I took about 20 pics, I ended up sending him just a few. One was the pic in this blog post, a body shot of me in my lace cami and panties. The only reason I sent him this pic is because I wanted him to get the full effect of this beautiful cami and the leopard pattern on the panties.

I mean, let’s get real. No way Wes would let me do a photo shoot in this outfit, ya know? Hey, my leash is loooong, but it’s not THAT long. LOL

And while we’re on the subject, I guess it comes as no surprise I receive emails and PMs from horny pervy guys every week asking for nude pics of me. Have I mentioned lately how much I love horny pervy guys? Well, I do. *lusty grin*

Anyway, there will be no nude pics of me on the web or anywhere else. And now you know why. Wes.

At any rate, I think this outfit (with the addition of low-riding jeans) is gonna make a sexy cover for my memoir, don’t you? And I can’t wait to do the real photo shoot in New England in a few months. Should be a blast!

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering if I plan to behave myself while I’m up there, right?

Are you kidding? No way! *naughty grin*

Tell Me What You’re Wearing Today…

Laura — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 12:13:00 +0000

Have I mentioned lately how awesome my new agent is? He’s totally yummy and a barracuda in business.

One of my horny pervy men friends called yesterday, so I started to tell him about my new agent and our business plans.

"Before we talk about your business stuff, tell me what you’re wearing," he asks, chuckling wolfishly. "A black cami showing off your nipples, right?"

"Of course," I respond, grinning like the naughty girl that I am. "Although an hour ago I was topless."

"And what kind of panties are you wearing?" he continues.

I laugh like crazy as I pull down my sweatpants to check. "Are you a fan of NASCAR?"

"Not really," he replies, sounding kinda confused.

"Well, Wes is," I say. "And he calls these my NASCAR panties, because he says they look like the checkered flag."

Now it’s his turn to laugh.

"Exactly," I agree. "I mean, if the NASCAR flag looks like blue and pink checks with hot pink lace and bows then racecar driving is in serious trouble, dontcha think?"

Now we’re both howling.

Afterwards we talk about a bunch of business stuff. "That reminds me," I interrupt. "I changed my mind about the cover shot."

My memoir, Being Naughty & Loving Every Minute of It: The Life and Times of an Erotica Novelist, will be published later this year.

"You know how I wanted to pose for the cover in one of my sheer black lace camis and a pair of tiny leopard-print bikini panties?" I ask.

He laughs wolfishly again. "Looking forward to seeing your nipples."

Gotta love this guy, ya know? *lusty grin*

"Well," I continue, "I realized Wes would kill me or divorce me or both if I pose like that."

"I can imagine." More wolfish chuckling.

"So I came up with a better idea," I say. "One he won’t freak over. How about if I pose in the black lace cami, but I’m wearing a pair of my low-riding jeans. Then I could pull down the zipper and show part of my leopard-print bikini panties?"

"I like that better," he muses. "It’s more seductive."

"Not to mention safer for me," I admit. "Wes is used to me showing everyone my panties when we go out."

"Good idea," he agrees. "No need to give the man another reason to have a heart attack. You’re already fucking him to exhaustion."

True.

"But what are you gonna do with your hands?" he asks.

"How about if I slip my fingers inside my panties?" I suggest wickedly. "Kinda like I’m about to do some self-servicing."

"Naughty!" he exclaims. "I love it!"

So now I’ve got the cover figured out. Plus, I just saved Wes from having a heart attack.

See? I can be a good wife. Kinda. Maybe. Oh, well… *naughty grin*